That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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