i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
