my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
