dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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