I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
