now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
