STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
