'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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