If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
