Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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