I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
