Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
