you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
