My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
