Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
