I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
