Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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