So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
