The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
