people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
