he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
