My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
