im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
