Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize