Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
