apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
