And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
