Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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