I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
