wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
