You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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