i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
