just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
