he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
