well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
