I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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