Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize