She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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