Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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