She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I currently don't understand fingers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize