He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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