I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
