when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
