6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
