we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how drunk are you?
Several
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
