i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize