There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
