His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
