Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
