I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
