He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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