Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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