you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
