it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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