it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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