Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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