I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Four minutes until I can fart!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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