You really coming over, don't trick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize