Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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