The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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