I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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