On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
