my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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