so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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