We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
