just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
