If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
