The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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